America has been at war for 40 years, who are we at war with you may ask: Drug Dealers. I will break down this war for you and decide whose the winner.
EQUIPMENT:
DEA: The DEA has more equipment then James Bond, and they better with the $10 billion they receive a year. They have helicopters, speedboats, helicopters that can see heat signatures, guns, drug sniffing dogs, and so much more. Actually a couple more billions worth more.
Drug Dealers: The pushers have scales, home meth labs, lots of baggies, guns (not as good as the DEA's in most cases), baking soda (for making crack), lots of baking soda, drug submarines which are one of the newer ways to get Colombia's finest into the suburbs, prepaid cellphones (formerly had beepers), pitt bulls or other attack dogs, and if they're doing really well a Cadillac sitting on spinners.
Winner: DEA
Effectiveness:
DEA: Don't let the pictures of one or two huge busts fool you; the DEA is not that effective. The DEA is however very effective when it comes to shooting unarmed people during raids (especially if they happen to be black).
Drug Dealers: I can get marijuana easier than alcohol, and the other drugs like coke, ecstasy, LSD, mushrooms, and pills I could get without too much trouble if I had the money and need to buy them. There are drug dealers everywhere so getting drugs is not hard. Drug dealers are however know to be pretty bad about keeping track of time.
Winner: Drug Dealers hands down
Innovativeness:
DEA: lots but none work for some reason.
Drug Dealers: When boats with coke started getting seized often, smugglers starting using small drug subs that can transport more than 1 ton of coke. Hidden compartments in cars. Drug dealers can also find tons of things to use as a baggie like a page of Good Housekeeping. Drug dealers have now taken to the internet to sell their cocaine on craigslist (Tina turner tickets, ski lift ticket, ski lessons, and tickets in row 420).
Winners: Drug Dealers
People Skills
DEA: The DEA will come to your house to party with you, sometimes really in the morning while your asleep, and as they barge in they might shoot your pets, if not you. Also not to welcome in our Spanish speaking friends to the south's countries. Like to inform the people that if you smoke weed you'll kill a little kid (whether they drown in a pool, or you hit them coming out of the drive thru at a fast food restaurant.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhjwUR2SeAE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmOY6fwhi-Y&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nB05mTwPHY&feature=related
Drug Dealers: Like to ask people if they need drugs. In the ghetto sometimes the big time dealers pay young teens or kids to sell their drugs. This not only teaches these little youngsters about math and business, it also creates jobs and gives little kids in the ghetto a sense a pride that if they sell that whole G pack they'll get $100 dollars. It also has the potential to teach them about the legal system at a young age. Drug dealers also sometimes run sales on their drugs and people love sales, nothing like buy 1 dime sack of crack and get 1 free day (best time to stock up on your crack people, take notes).
Winner: Drug Dealers. You can't beat 2 for 1sales crack, and teaching the kids about money is important.
Picture Moments:
DEA: love to take pictures holding guns standing next to a lot of drugs they took off the streets (usually looking like total D-bags in the pictures).
Drug Dealers: If your a drug dealer you try to avoid picture moments because there's a good chance that picture is a mug shot.
Winner: DEA I'd rather look like a douchebag then be in jail.
Support for the Economy:
DEA: None
Drug Dealers: support strippers, car dealerships, rim shops, Nike, child support, sometimes even give to the community. Nino Brown was passing turkeys out at thanksgiving, Pablo Escobar built nice soccer fields and gave lots of money to the community.
Winner: Drug Dealers Who doesn't wanna make it rain at the strip club, and sit on spinners, and have 15 different pairs of both Air Force 1's and Air Jordans.
And The Winner of the War on Drugs: Drug Dealers
its now settled, the drug dealers won, well actually I think its more like the DEA lost and the drug dealers won by default.
Congratulations local drug sellers across America. You finally won something other then a prison sentence and beating from the cops.
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